Most people think emotional abuse involves shouting, threats, or insults. Sometimes it sounds much quieter than that.
Sometimes it happens in a warm bath, in a calm voice, while a toddler plays with toys.
A recently shared video has sparked strong reactions online after showing a mother repeatedly telling her young child that their father no longer wants to see them. Throughout the conversation, the toddler is asked the same questions over and over again while trying to understand something far beyond their emotional capacity.
Whether you know the background to the family or not, the conversation itself highlights something every separated parent should think about.
🎥 Scroll down to watch the full video that sparked this discussion.
Viewer discretion advised – it contains emotionally difficult content involving a young child.
A Child Should Never Carry Adult Problems
The child is told repeatedly:
Daddy doesn’t want to come and get you.
When the child asks why, the answer comes back:
Because he doesn’t want to.
Later, the message becomes even more personal:
I wouldn’t say that he loves you if he doesn’t want to come and get you.
For a toddler, these aren’t just words.
Children at this age don’t have the emotional maturity to separate adult circumstances from their own sense of worth. They don’t hear, “The adults are having a disagreement.”
They hear:
That’s a burden no child should have to carry.
Repetition Makes It Worse
One of the most striking parts of the video is how often the child is asked to repeat the same message back.
Again. And again. And again.
This isn’t simply explaining a change in plans.
Repeated questioning can reinforce an idea until the child begins accepting it as truth, even when they’re visibly confused.
Children naturally want to give adults the “correct” answer. When they’re repeatedly corrected, they often stop trusting their own understanding and begin repeating whatever they’re told.
Love Should Never Be Used as Currency
Perhaps the most heartbreaking line is:
I wouldn’t say he loves you if he doesn’t want to come and get you.
Children measure love through consistency and reassurance.
When one parent tells a child that another parent’s love depends on contact, attendance, or disagreements between adults, it places the child directly in the middle of a conflict they had no part in creating.
The child isn’t learning about the relationship between the parents.
They’re learning to question whether they’re worthy of love.
We Don’t Know the Whole Story
It’s important to acknowledge something.
We don’t know what happened before this recording. We don’t know the circumstances surrounding contact, court proceedings, safeguarding concerns, illness, or anything else happening behind the scenes.
No short video can tell the whole story.
But regardless of the wider context, one principle remains remarkably consistent among child psychologists and family professionals:
If plans change, there are age-appropriate ways to explain that without assigning blame or damaging the child’s relationship with either parent.
Co-Parenting Is Hard
Separated parenting is often painful.
Sometimes one parent genuinely lets a child down. Those emotions are real.
But children need adults to carry those emotions—not the other way around.
Protecting a child from conflict isn’t pretending everything is perfect.
It’s recognising that they deserve to love both parents without feeling guilty, pressured, or responsible.
Watch the Original Video
This is the original video discussed in this article. It contains emotionally difficult content involving a young child. Viewer discretion is advised.
Every Message Matters
Every conversation with a child shapes the way they see themselves and the people they love. A single sentence can stay with them for years.
That’s why thoughtful communication matters so much after separation.
When emotions are running high, it can be incredibly difficult to choose words carefully—but those moments are often the ones that matter most.
At The Coparent App, we built tools designed to help separated parents communicate with less conflict, create clear records, and keep children out of adult disagreements whenever possible.
Because children shouldn’t have to choose sides. They should simply be allowed to be children.
